• Posted Oct 24 • 2024.
Our moms are a unique blend of love, patience, and a good sense of humor—especially patience. Here, you'll find the funniest and most spot-on quotes about motherhood, perfect for those moments when they know that to be a mom, you have to laugh wildly at life. These quotes are full of humor and warmth, and they’re sure to bring more than just one smile!
Funny Quotes for Mom
Mom: the person who does the work of twenty, for free.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.
I childproofed the house, but they still get in.
My kids call it 'yelling' when I raise my voice. I call it 'motivational speaking'.
Nothing is truly lost until Mom can’t find it.
Becoming a mom means you stop worrying about sleeping in and start worrying about sleeping at all.
Motherhood: Powered by love, fueled by coffee, sustained by wine.
Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them, but for us?
I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them for children.
My house isn’t messy. It’s custom-designed by a kid.
Behind every great kid is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it up.
Good moms let their kids lick the beaters. Great moms turn off the mixer first.
Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.
My kids sure do live in a different time than I did. My mom would’ve sent me outside with a stick and said, 'Play!'
I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I just want to sleep like my husband.
Raising kids is a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.
I asked my child where their shoes were, and they replied, 'on my feet.' Mom 0, kid 1.
Motherhood: Because going to the grocery store alone feels like a vacation.
I love my kids. Not enough to go to Chuck E. Cheese, but I love them.
I can’t decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, 6 months of sleep, or a new life.
The quickest way for a mother to get her child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
Cleaning with kids in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
My kid got his mom’s brains, and his dad’s excuses. Perfect combo.
Parenting: When ‘good cop, bad cop’ switches to ‘tired cop, even more tired cop’.
Sleep is like the unicorn in motherhood: something you’ve heard of, but never actually see.
Mom: the person who does the work of twenty, for free.
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90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.
I love all my children equally. Except for the one who sleeps. I love that one more.
They say ‘don’t cry over spilled milk,’ but they’ve clearly never pumped before.
Motherhood is basically just an endless to-do list with a side of sticky fingers.
I’m not a regular mom. I’m a tired mom.
The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.
Raising kids is like being pecked to death by chickens.
Having a child is like getting a tattoo... on your face. You better be committed.
I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.
I’m just a mom, standing in front of my husband, trying to say something I didn’t forget five seconds ago.
There’s no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.
I never realized how many times a person could say ‘put your shoes on’ in one morning.
I have a condition that prevents me from folding laundry. It’s called ‘I’d rather do anything else’.
Why is it that when my kid is being loud in public, I act like they’re someone else’s?
Motherhood: where every day is a rollercoaster, and your hair is the casualty.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is ‘Please forget.’
The parenting books lied. My kids still don't listen to me.
Of all the things I’ve lost since becoming a mom, I miss my mind the most.
My child will give me a lesson in patience, just when I feel like I’ve mastered it.
You know you’re a mom when you stop using the bathroom alone.
Why is my kid the only one who can hear me open a bag of chips from three rooms away?
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you’re doing great. Probably.
You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you yell at your kid in public, and they don’t even flinch.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to in the beginning.
The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.
Motherhood: If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart.
My kid has two moods: I’m too tired to move and I’m a human tornado.
Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.
I used to be cool. Now I’m just a juice box opener.
Toddlers are like little dictators: No! to everything and irrationally furious at socks.
You know you're a mom when sleeping in means sleeping until 7 a.m.
I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. Said no mom ever.
Mom sleep: the state of being awake while sleeping, due to small humans making noises.
I don’t need an alarm clock. My kids wake me up every morning like clockwork.
Motherhood: A constant battle between going to bed early and staying up late to finally have some alone time.
Kids are like little mirrors—they show you all your good parts and the parts you didn’t want to know about.
My house: where no one flushes the toilet except me.
There’s no manual for raising kids. That’s probably why most of us are winging it.
Being a mom means learning to multitask. Like carrying a screaming child while answering the phone and cooking dinner.
I had no idea I could ruin someone’s day just by asking them to put on pants.
The biggest lie I tell myself: I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.
You know you’re a mom when running errands feels like a vacation.
I love when my kids tell me they’re bored as if the lady standing in front of a sink full of dirty dishes is where they got that from.
Raising kids is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. But every ending involves laundry.
Moms don’t need an alarm clock. They’ve got kids.
Nothing is scarier than a child who is suddenly quiet.
Raising kids is like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall.
If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle: Keep away from children.
Motherhood: where sleeping in is 6:30 a.m., and me time is grocery shopping alone.
Parenting is just a series of interruptions interspersed with diaper changes.
Motherhood: If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart.
I thought I’d have more patience once I became a mom. Turns out I just have more coffee.
Having kids is like folding a fitted sheet—no one really knows how.
I love my kids, but sometimes I wish there was a way to GPS track my sanity.
You know you’re a mom when you understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold.
My parenting style is somewhere between ‘wing it’ and ‘ask your grandma.’
I don’t want to adult anymore. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the pillow fort.
Who knew that being a mom meant you’d end up saying things like, 'Because I said so' and 'No, you cannot lick the dog!'
Motherhood: When your kids are asleep, you finally get the chance to clean up the chaos… only to realize you’re too tired to care.
I used to have hobbies. Now I have children.
In my next life, I’m coming back as my kid’s tablet. That thing gets more attention than I do!
Motherhood is a fairy tale… in reverse. You start out a princess, and by the time the kids are grown, you’re the evil queen.
Becoming a mom is like becoming a master negotiator, except your client is a tiny, irrational human.
My kitchen: where tiny humans repeatedly tell me they’re starving, but nothing in the fridge is good enough.
You know you’re a mom when you’ve mastered the art of hiding in the bathroom for 5 minutes of peace.
Sometimes I amaze myself. Other times, I put laundry in the oven.
It’s like the kids can sense when I’m about to sit down with a cup of coffee. That’s when the emergencies start.
The most common phrase heard in my house: ‘What’s for dinner?’
Why is it that my kids can hear a bag of chips opening from across the house, but they can’t hear me ask them to pick up their toys 5 times?
Parenthood: That moment when you stop complaining about how tired you are and just accept it as a personality trait.
I thought parenting would be like ‘Little House on the Prairie.’ Turns out it’s more like ‘Lord of the Flies.’
My favorite parenting hack: whispering ‘ice cream’ works better than yelling.
Motherhood: The only place where you can experience heaven and hell at the same time.
I’ve been called many things in life, but ‘mom’ is my favorite. Right after ‘let’s go to Target.’
My kids are the reason I wake up each morning. Really early. Every. Single. Morning.
The quickest way to get your kids’ attention is to sit down and look comfortable. Works every time.
My life is just a series of interruptions punctuated by moments of chaos, followed by brief stretches of sleep.
Cleaning the house while the kids are home is like brushing your teeth while eating chocolate cake.
I used to think I knew a lot about parenting—until I had kids.
The hardest part of parenting? Trying to sound excited about the same story for the 23rd time.
If you’re wondering where your kid left something, check under the couch. That’s where everything I’ve lost goes.
I thought I’d have more patience once I became a mom. Turns out I just have more coffee.
So, without a doubt, our moms go through a journey full of challenges, but also filled with lots of laughter and love. Because... mothers deserve to laugh just as much as they worry, and we hope these quotes gave them a good laugh!
