• Posted Nov 7 • 2024.
Christmas is undoubtedly a time full of joy and love, but let's not deny it... it’s also a time for laughter and giggles. We’ve gathered a selection of funny quotes that capture the fun and cheerful spirit of the holidays. These humorous quotes will help brighten your day and remind you that sometimes, the best part of Christmas is sharing funny moments with your loved ones.
Funny Christmas Quotes
Three phrases that sum up Christmas: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries Not Included.
The office Christmas party: where you can finally wear your ugly sweater… and your boss has no choice but to laugh.
The best part about Christmas is knowing there’s always more dessert in the fridge.
I love the holiday spirit... especially the spirits in the eggnog.
I’d like to be as organized as Santa. Imagine knowing everyone’s name and address without a smartphone!
Nothing says Christmas like buying a gift for yourself and pretending it's from Santa.
Christmas is great because you can binge on cookies and everyone thinks it’s festive, not weird.
My favorite part of Christmas dinner? Leaving the table and not doing the dishes.
It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.
Holiday shopping: where you can be trampled for a sale exactly one day after giving thanks for what you already have.
I’ll never forget my family’s holiday tradition of yelling at the Christmas lights as they refuse to work.
I told Santa you were good this year… and he hasn’t stopped laughing since.
Nothing makes Christmas more magical than finding that ‘one missing piece’ to your kid's toy on Christmas morning.
I’m dreaming of a Christmas where everyone agrees on one movie to watch.
It’s all fun and games until your in-laws start telling the ‘good old days’ stories.
Christmas shopping tip: Wrap an empty box in fancy paper and carry it to the mall. When someone tries to steal it, yell 'Merry Christmas!'
Every year, Santa tries to hit a new record for the most times ‘Jingle Bells’ can play in a single store.
Christmas: the season where your wallet says, 'Oh, no, not again.'
I would say ‘Bah humbug,’ but even Scrooge enjoyed saving money.
Let’s face it—wrapping paper is just expensive trash we don’t mind ripping apart once a year.
I love the holiday spirit... especially the spirits in the eggnog.
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I’m only a morning person on December 25th.
Dear Santa, before I explain... how much do you already know?
All I want for Christmas is you… to bring me presents.
Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loudly... and slightly off-key.
It’s all fun and games until Santa checks the naughty list.
Christmas is a time when everyone wants their past forgotten and their presents remembered.
Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Okay, maybe most of the year… at least once or twice.
I put so much thought into your gift, I hope you don’t mind the re-gift.
Merry Christmas! Let’s find out who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.
Dear Santa, I can explain.
Whoever said All is Calm has never been to our house on Christmas Eve.
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.
Oh, Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, why do you make me sneeze?
Santa’s coming? Quick, hide the shopping receipts!
Christmas calories don’t count… right?
When you stop believing in Santa, you get socks for Christmas.
I wonder if there’s any way to volunteer to test cookies for Santa?
Christmas: The only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.
I love Christmas! It’s the only time of year that my favorite carolers stop by… UPS and FedEx.
Dear Santa, before I explain... how much do you already know?
Christmas is a magical time of year... until you have to untangle the lights.
Nothing screams Christmas like an overdraft notice in your bank account.
Christmas: the one time of year when it’s socially acceptable to light your money on fire by buying wrapping paper.
I’m dreaming of a green Christmas… from all the money I didn’t spend on decorations.
My favorite Christmas tradition? Avoiding the mall.
The holiday spirit: when your credit card goes jingle all the way.
I’m on the Christmas cookie diet. I eat cookies, and then I’m merry!
If only Santa gave frequent flyer miles for every trip to the mall in December.
It’s not Christmas until someone yells at Alexa to stop playing Mariah Carey.
Christmas cheer: when the whole family debates whether to turn off the Hallmark movie or keep napping.
Why did no one tell me that adulthood just means buying presents for people with my own money?
Christmas lights: making houses look tacky since the 1800s.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… for online shopping.
I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions; my holiday goal is just to fit into my jeans after Christmas.
Santa is real, but his budget is apparently ‘ask your mom and dad.’
All I want for Christmas is for Amazon Prime to find my address a little faster.
My family’s favorite holiday game is called ‘where did we hide the presents, and can we even remember?’
Christmas shopping tip: skip the crowds, and wrap yourself in a blanket at home instead.
I love Christmas dinner: It’s the one meal where a fruitcake can be a conversation starter.
The perfect Christmas morning: pajamas, coffee, and no alarm clocks!
Christmas is a magical time of year... until you have to untangle the lights.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. When kids misbehave, throw one in the fireplace.
December 26th: the day we all find out we didn't get everything on our wish list after all.
Christmas magic is invisible… but it shows up in credit card statements in January.
I told Santa I’d been good this year, but he wasn’t buying it.
Only during Christmas do we buy wrapping paper to hide gifts inside boxes we’ll recycle.
Remember: the best things in life are actually really expensive during the holiday season.
When Santa asked what I wanted for Christmas, I said a nap. He just laughed.
The holidays: where it’s acceptable to eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
If you want to get into the holiday spirit, just stand in line at the post office in December.
I would wrap presents early, but I’m still waiting for my wrapping skills to improve.
Christmas cookies: officially the reason my New Year's resolutions never last.
The true spirit of Christmas is pretending you don’t mind the mess wrapping paper makes.
I hope Santa brings me a bigger closet this year—just to fit my sweaters.
Christmas calories don’t count until the New Year.
For Christmas, I’d like a little less adult responsibility, please.
It’s not officially the holidays until I hear Last Christmas at least 200 times.
My favorite part of Christmas? Watching everyone else try to put up their Christmas tree.
Holiday cheer: the act of pretending not to notice how much you spent on gifts.
Christmas is the only time of year where I’ll proudly hang socks by the fireplace.
All I want for Christmas is a working phone charger.
Christmas magic is invisible… but it shows up in credit card statements in January.
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first—your wallet or your feet.
I want to be on the ‘nice’ list, but December is making it difficult.
Christmas sweaters: bringing back the ugly in a whole new way.
It’s all fun and games until Santa checks your browser history.
I’m convinced eggnog is just melted ice cream with extra steps.
A Christmas miracle would be not eating the entire tray of cookies I baked.
The only thing I want for Christmas is for the wrapping paper to cooperate.
You know it’s Christmas when your living room looks like a glitter explosion.
I don’t need a ‘perfect gift’—just bring me more snacks!
Nothing says ‘Merry Christmas’ like re-gifting last year’s unwanted presents.
My bank account just posted a holiday message: ‘Please stop.’
Christmas is the only time of year I actually enjoy getting tangled up in lights.
Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is for calories to stop counting.
My New Year’s resolution? To start re-gifting as soon as Christmas is over.
Who knew Christmas shopping required a degree in patience and crowd-dodging?
I’m just here for the cookies and the carols… okay, mostly the cookies.
Santa, define ‘good.’ I think we have very different interpretations.
Is it really Christmas without at least one family debate about decorations?
All I want for Christmas is for my holiday lights to untangle themselves.
The true spirit of Christmas: eating all the desserts without a shred of guilt.
I want to be on the ‘nice’ list, but December is making it difficult.
I’m dreaming of a debt-free Christmas.
The best way to get in the Christmas spirit is to survive a trip to the mall in December.
Nothing says Christmas like trying to discreetly re-wrap gifts you peeked at.
I was going to give up sweets for the holidays… but then I remembered Christmas cookies.
Every family has that one person who ruins Christmas photos. If you don’t know who it is, it’s probably you.
Santa’s little elves must have really good health insurance to handle all that toy-making stress.
I’m just here for the holiday food and endless excuses to wear pajamas.
Christmas shopping tip: buy it online and avoid having to smile at strangers.
The best part of Christmas is that extra excuse to overuse my credit card.
Christmas: when we buy gifts for others but secretly hope they don’t like them so we can keep them.
Can we just skip to the part where I’m in pajamas eating leftovers?
Dear Santa, please let my pants still fit by New Year’s.
All I want for Christmas is a nap that lasts until January.
The holidays: the only time of year when ‘Who ate all the candy?’ is a family crisis.
Santa has it easy—he only has to work one night a year, and he still gets cookies.
Nothing says I love you quite like a last-minute gift card from the drugstore.
Christmas is the only time when you can wrap something in a bow and call it special.
I stopped believing in Santa when I asked for a vacation and got socks.
I thought about counting calories over the holidays, then I decided it was just too much math.
Christmas wish: unlimited coffee and never-ending dessert trays.
If you really want to enjoy the holidays, skip the gym until January.
Every Christmas, my goal is to avoid cooking, cleaning, and being on the naughty list.
I love Christmas—it’s the best excuse for why my house is a mess until January.
This year’s holiday goal: don’t let the family photos look like a police lineup.
Christmas magic: the power to make all my money disappear overnight.
The best way to get in the Christmas spirit is to survive a trip to the mall in December.
Christmas is, for many, the best time of the year—it's a time to celebrate, share, and, above all, laugh. The funny quotes we’ve gathered not only add laughter and humor to the festivities, but they also reflect situations we’ve all experienced during this season, don’t you agree? Anyway... Merry Christmas!
